tramps and zombies

You may or may not already be aware, but the zombie apocalypse is finally upon us. This is no "sign of the devil" because if we learned anything from The Usual Suspects, it's that the devil doesn't exist, or something like that. I say that the zombies are finally upon us because I've been training for years for this "outbreak" to rear its "ugly" head. However, those of you savvy enough to have done some research on the topic ought to be already fully prepared. Today I'm just going to give the uninitiated a bit of a primer into "surviving" the "zombie outbreak".

• Be prepared, or rather, don't be surprised that the world is finally taking that final plunge into oblivion through a "zombie outbreak". Basically, you need to know that it was bound to happen sooner or later. After all, Chernobyl happened way back in the 80s and I've kind of always assumed that some sort of undead cannibal would crawl out of the wreckage. Your knowledge of the impending doom can be your greatest ally in the coming months of war.
• Sharpen your blades. You might be one of those "masturbating to field and stream magazine" types but the bottom line is that the undead horde is unceasing and will eventually overwhelm even the most well stocked of home armories.  "Double taps" are for amateurs and hollywood types, keep blades handy. Swords, machetes, "bowie knives", basically anything longer than what's normally considered "legal". Also, learn how to care for the blade. A well-cared for blade is a better friend than any woman or animal companion could ever hope to be for the intrepid apocalyptic survivor.
• Attack first and attack quietly. There is no way to be sure what state you will find the enemy (zombies) so you must assume that they are at least mostly "able-bodied" in the sense that they can use some of those "used to be human" senses. Can you see the zombie? Can you smell the zombie? Can you hear the tortured cries and shuffling coming your way? Chances are that creature may be able to see and smell or hear you as well. Keep it quiet, be a ninja assassin and you will increase your chances of survival post-outbreak at least two fold.
• Have an escape plan. Do not just assume you and your "buddies" can cook something up over the course of a drunken evening. This plan will fail. Know your enemy when you plan for their attack: these creatures do not need sleep and do not even "tire out" in the same sense that you do. Stay stocked and have a contingency exit for your contingency exit. You need to get away from major urban areas as quickly as possible if you don't have live in Raccoon City and can simply barricade the rest of the top-siders off with a flick of a switch and a slam of the blast doors, I'm looking at you, Halliburton.
• Learn to live with the fact that you may never feel or even be safe again. The apocalypse isn't such a thrilling event because you get a "do-over" if it doesn't work out according to plan, your best laid plans will fail and you will need to adapt and live in what amounts to a constant state of fear and/or panic. Get used to it, the rush of beheading your zombie neighbor will undoubtedly be worth it.

You can read the "unabridged" version of "zombie survival" here. Know your enemy, plan against your enemy, kill your enemy.