thursday morning, trolling the void.

"trolling the void v. attempting to piece together a blackout by posing seemingly casual questions to friends who were possibly more cognizant at the time." ~Frank Kelly Rich

While trolling the trends this morning I discovered a few things:

• There's a woman named "Bethenny". 
• "Skinnygirl Cocktails" are low calorie alternatives marketed simply for the ladies.
• "Reality Television" is a huge and lumbering cash cow with unlimited udders to suck on.

Now I will review what this means to "us":

• At some point, in what I would love to assume is a distant land far, far from here, someone decided that "Bethany" just wasn't good enough anymore. "You mean to tell me that my wonderful child [or self] has to spell my name the same as everyone else? Surely you jest, this is America, I'll butcher the spelling of whatever damned word I want. Name or not!" This isn't the only example, unfortunately it's very far from it. I predict "@dam" instead of "Adam" will soon become reality. "P3t3r" instead of "Peter" and so on and so forth right along down the line until we get to where we were twenty or thirty years ago when Prince decided he didn't like his chosen stage name any longer and decided to "un-pronounce" himself and turn into a symbol. 
• There is a market out there for "ThinBoy" cocktails. Or something sexual-orientation neutral/sufficiently "metro sexual" to attract the "dieting drinkers" market of men. You can have that idea, free of charge. I've got half a still built out in the woods and I plan on making "homebrews", they'll taste so good you won't care about the calories because you'd rather skip your next meal. An average bottle of hooch (the entire bottle) has about the same amount of calories as a stop at McDonalds or a dip into your favorite chain restaurant. Real math, no fakies, and not everyone sits down for a few drinks and polishes off the entire bottle. If you drink one of my "homebrews" (which tend to have calorie counts similar to gin [slightly less than average, by type]) you'll be too enthralled with the delight of what you're imbibing to even consider your next meal. Mixers are what throw the calorie counts up and that savvy "Bethenny" broad said "Hey, let's use splenda and make pre-mixed cocktails." 
• Who gives a shit about "Fake Housewives of Some Damned Contemptible Place"? No, honestly, who?