la corona

 I never really talked about the corona. I probably never will get into it like I should, because it was just too fascinating. There was too much shit to get into and I think it's too fresh now anyways to give it a good analysis, a real thorough examination or whatever. Any time you apply pressure, interesting things happen. The corona was a legitimate experiment to me due to all of the interesting and unexpected things that happened. I spent most of the time getting in great shape, physically. Now that it's over I still need to get some mental things in order, though I definitely worked on that too it faltered on me recently so I know I still have work remaining.

 I think I had a natural reaction to the events of the last year or so. Not that other people's reactions are unnatural, but they kind of are... you'll see. The biggest change is that I no longer watch the news. At all, as in follow or pay attention or any of that. There's this whole issue I have with the media dating back to ... well, always. I'm a student of history and the media will always be fucked. It can't be beneficial in the way it ought to because of nuance. If you had the whole hour to tell one story, maybe you could make it work. When you try and share complex issues to the masses in 5 second blurbs, you're gonna fail. That's idiotic to even attempt, unless you don't really give a shit about sharing stories or "news" but instead want to sell stuff. 

The news, and I mean all news media: internet, print, television, even the stuff you find online, is disingenuous, at best. It plays into this voyeuristic thing humans have where we want to know, but we don't want to spend the time actually doing the learning. Give me the info quick and I'll move on is what we want but what we need is to sit down and dissect something to truly understand it. I don't know how to fix news media other than making it inaccessible to the masses by mandating long-form publications. Think like Ken Burns documentary style, or at minimum those NPR and PBS style interviews. I actually think Joe Rogan does an excellent job of this but it's not because he's particularly bright, but he can be insightful and he's curious and he's chosen the best medium: ask some questions and it takes as long as it takes, for the most part. 

Lack of nuance is also what's wrong with the political process, and democracy. Depth of nuance is what makes the world outside of all that stuff so worthwhile. It's complicated and interesting and infinitely fascinating. Every single person you will ever meet has a whole story you'll never have enough time to hear because we only have so much time. I'm pretty sure there's a German word for that time of thinking but it's a bit late to be doing research. 

I'm not trying to say we shouldn't be informed but that other shit is going to keep happening whether we know about it or not. Circling back to the corona thing, at the beginning I was following with interest this story about a virus in China and everything. I was on it, I was also on alcohol. I had a steady, free supply of it and I was going hard. That's my default speed: full tilt like a Peterbilt. When it's good, it's the best. But when it's bad...

Then, I had a moment of clarity and I said fuck it. I turned it all inwards (slowly, not overnight) and went hard on fixing myself. I just had a strong urge to insert a sentence here stating more or less that my old lifestyle was acceptable though not for me, that's not true. We should be healthy, and I'm here to help anyone that wants to be healthier. I still have some questionable health habits (e-cigarettes and loads of milk shakes) but I use skim milk now so it really is a brand new day and if I help you, you'll help me learn more about the human condition. After all, that's what's most fascinating of all.

Anyway, I then spent the rest of the time slowly turning even weirder than I was before, weirder and much stronger. I did not expect to get this strong. I knew what I was doing because see above about my constant erection for nuance and I'd done this before. Getting my life together was actually harder the second time because I didn't really want to, I even debated suicide a few times. And with any good story, the darkest part comes right before the brightest: that obviously didn't happen and I went HAM this winter. I was out in the dark putting in work. I was out in the cold getting larger than life. Now I feel like I just need to adjust my eyes to the light of day and see what shakes loose.

The corona virus made me so sick I had to get healthier than I've ever been. It was a metaphorical sickness but the result was real and now I've got my mojo back. So, thank you corona virus? For that, but for all the other stuff? That wasn't so great. 

 I'll post something more coherent soon, but this was fine for now. It's late and I've things to do when the sun comes back up. I'll include a media element here for the corona.