On the last segment of our story, there was drama and murder. In this segment, there will be a watery apocalypse for nearly every living being on earth.
I decided to break up chapter 7 into two parts because they seemed to be dealing with two different topics, though related. The world had devolved into some sort of hedonistic angel orgy that was no longer acceptable, the justification seems to be not much other than the ominous wickedness inherent in the humans at the time. This wickedness was enough to start over so Noah was instructed to build a great big boat. Misplaced blame seems to be a common theme so far, killing all the mortals because the lesser gods decided to come around and start an orgy seems a little like victim blaming.
I'd like to think that the specifics involved with constructing an "ark" were necessary to the circumstances surrounding the impending cataclysmic flood, but it's most likely because whoever wrote it had never built a great big boat before. The ark was to be made from gopher wood and built to exact dimensions and it would have looked ridiculous. Design aesthetics were not taken into consideration because this was a life saving vessel.
All of the images of an ark that you've seen are pretty accurate, it's a big boat with a little hut on top. It's sealed with pitch, which is basically like a waterproofing for the boat but then there's a door in the side that would be a constant source of leaks. I'm not certain on marine nomenclature, but my use of the term "boat" stems from the fact that this vessel was essentially a giant raft with a roof. It had no way to steer itself or dock anywhere. It was powered by faith and designed for function.
There are two conflicting numbers in these chapters that are interesting. The first says that Noah is to bring 2 of every animal, a male and a female. The implications of this would have led to a severe lack of genetic diversity among the preserved species. The more reasonable number is mentioned later as 7 pairs of males and females. This is a bit more believable as far as everything else is concerned but it then creates a lot more space requirements for this already overly cramped vessel.
Noah loaded the critters, his sons, and their wives into the ark and prepared for rain. There was about a month and a half of rain followed by a few months adrift at sea before the ark rain aground on Mt. Ararat. This is about 3 miles above sea level and in eastern modern day Turkey.
From boarding to disembark, the ordeal lasted 13 months and 27 days. Noah eventually figures out it's safe because the birds stop returning to the boat, and I would imagine they were running low on food supplies. Of course, with an ark full of food why rush going outside? Eventually, god told Noah he had to leave the ark. This was most likely due to the fact that god instructed Noah to build himself a floating barn filled with food and few reasons to go outside in the mud.
Once outside and settled into whatever new lifestyle they're settling into, Noah builds an alter and sacrifices one of each animal. Which is why I still think the seven pairs of animals makes the most sense, because it was only a year and some change in which to breed more sacrifices.
All of this excitement was finally over and Noah was told that this was the last time god would destroy all life on earth. God promised, in fact. He made a covenant with Noah that he would not try to destroy all life on earth, again, with a flood. It seems oddly specific to me, possibly leaving some wiggle room for other methods of annihilation.
As a reminder to not flood the earth and kill everyone (again), god made certain kinds of clouds. Specifically, "I set my bow in the clouds to serve as a sign of the covenant between me and the earth."
Logistical issues aside, Noah was told to build an ark because his lord was about to destroy the wickedness in the world. Which is odd, to me. Noah was told "you alone in this age [has] been found to be truly just."
There are two distinct scenarios for this statement. The first is that we accept that Noah is truly the only just person in the world, possible, I suppose. The other, more likely, scenario is that Noah was a snitch and a liar. This is actually supported by textual evidence. Firstly, the necessity of the reminder to not murder everyone again. This covenant is basically telling Noah that god needs reminded to not murder him and his entire family. At this point in the story, we're mostly back to a handful of characters: Noah, his sons (Ham, Shem, and Jepheth), and wives #1-7. I assume there's seven because Noah had one and his three sons would have had two apiece, at least?
"Now Noah, a man of the soil, was the first to plant a vineyard. When he drank some of the wine, he became drunk and lay naked inside his tent. Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father's nakedness, and he told his two brothers about it. Shem and Japheth, however, took a robe, and holding it on their backs, they walked backward and covered their father's nakedness."
This is a nice way of saying that the first thing Noah did when he got the opportunity was to get drunk. He had to wait a very long time to do this, first for the vineyard to grow and then for his grapes to be harvested and fermented. Once he'd had his first drink, he drank his fill. He was missing for so long that his kids had to go look for him, maybe they were diligent children who visited their father daily after a year (or two?) after they'd settled and had children. Or maybe they hadn't heard from him in weeks and worried he'd died. Ham was so upset to find his father in a drunken stupor that he ran to tell his brothers he'd died. He wasn't dead, but definitely still drunk so Noah did the natural thing and put a curse on his grandson.
"When Noah woke up from his drunkenness and learned what his youngest son had done to him, he said 'Cursed be Canaan! The lowest of slaves shall he be to his brothers'"
And then proceeded to also say his grandson should be a slave to his uncles as well. If you've ever had to deal with a real alcoholic, this plays pretty true to life. Drunken Noah wakes up and is ashamed of how his sons see him so he lashes out at whoever his pickled brain thinks might have had something to do with his problem.
Noah was an alcoholic piece of shit, probably a lying snitch, and shouldn't have even been given a coupon for swimming lessons, much less detailed plans on how to build an ark.
The next installment will include the Tower of Babel.
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