beautiful gossamer-winged creatures

A few years ago I was driving on a toll road racing towards I don't even remember. It was dark but everything could be clearly seen by light of the almost full moon. The clear night was perfectly warm and my stereo was pumping. I was probably listening to some alt.band that I thought was going to be the next big thing, but I know it was loud. That's how I do things in my car.

Smoking cigarettes and turning the volume up to annoying levels is what passengers get when they ride with me. I remember the night because I was late for whatever plans had been laid for the evening. This didn't bother me so much as it gave me an excuse to drive recklessly fast on the interstate. Passing cars to the left, to the right. I didn't care, I was moving.

There's no deep and hard to read foreshadowing necessary, I was pulled over by a trooper. As he walked to my car the anxiety built up and quickly turned to a kind of fear. The butterflies in my stomach seemed to have grew to twice their normal size and wingspan. Flapping around more like bats than beautiful gossamer-winged creatures.

Before the policeman can get to my car and try and blind me with his maglite, I always do a once-over. Asking myself "Any alcohol in the car?" No. Ok. "Any drugs in the car?" No. Good. "Any dead hookers or small children tied up in the trunk?" And I chuckle slightly only to ominously answer myself "Wouldn't you like to know..."

There are none of these things, yet I still worry about them every time I deal with the police. It's like I know I'm guilty of much more than I'm currently being charged with yet I'm getting off easy. I know there are certain rules that should be followed when you are being pulled over, for police safety or whatever. I just don't know what they are. Plus, I'm a white kid. Grew up in the burbs. Just barely an adult. Just barely a functional human being away from home. Hell I don't even vote now, let alone 5 years ago.

That thought actually went through my head. As if somehow this police officer would take offense that an 18 year old kid didn't vote. My window was down because it was such a nice night so I heard him crunching the gravel as he got closer to my car.

In the movies they always make it so that whoever is pulled over is more pissed that it happened to them than anything else. I was scared for no reason other than this being my first traffic violation. The worst part about the whole ordeal was the police lights he kept on for the duration of the event. They would shine ever so brightly directly into my rear view mirror. I'd move it and then I would get smacked in the face with the lights reflected in my side mirror. Then the other side mirror. If I moved my head the rear view mirror would get me again. Those bastard state troopers sure know how to mind fuck someone.

Cop - "Do you know how fast you were going back there, son?"
Me - "Well, I was going a little over the speed limit, but there was that truck I needed to pass..."
Cop - "Yeeaahh. I need to see your license and registration ... blah blah blah ... No surprises if I run your license, I assume?"

What a dick. What a stupid lie. There were no trucks and I'm sure he's heard that one about a thousand times. I wondered what he would have done if I broke down in tears and begged him not to give me the ticket. Would he have capitulated? Succumbed to my will, all because I turned on the waterworks? Probably not. I can't imagine that it's particularly pleasant to see a big kid burst into tears over something so trivial as a ticket. Though it did end up being almost 200 dollars. I was going a little fast.

As he was walking back to my car, which took forever, I briefly danced with the idea of killing this guy. I had a bat lodged between the bottom of my seat and the door frame. If I could somehow distract him, I'd knock him out and then scatter his brains on the asphalt. No one would see, they'd be driving past too fast to see anything. I'd smash the camera in his cruiser and then I'd torch the whole thing with him inside.

Cop - "I need you to sign here. Try and stay within the posted speed limits next time"
Me - "uhh. Yes sir"

I totally bitched out. As I was pulling away I realized that he would have already ran my license plate as he pulled me over. Those bastards are so sneaky.