Many Americans are undoubtedly more concerned about their own flow of gas this winter, but there are some unlucky folks over in Europe that have been on the receiving end of a stiff pimp-slap from Russia when they woke up New Year's day and heard that their country's gas supplies had been shut off.
This wasn't the first New Year's that the Ukrainians heard about this gas problem. Over the past three years, the Russian company Gazprom has turned off the faucet more than once and even turned it down to half for a little while, more on that here, an informative little timeline showcasing the Gazprom/Ukrainian natural gas dispute. You see, Russia is a major supplier of natural gas to Europe, the fifth largest, in fact. They pump a great deal of this gas through Ukraine and let them buy a little while it's on the way.
Some problems arose with this situation back in 2004 when Ukraine voted in a new President. You might remember this guy, he's the one that WAS POISONED!!!. He got real sick and went through all kinds of tests to determine what was wrong with him, but it turned out he was dying because he was poisoned! It's like the beginning of a murder-mystery dinner: "Who Poisoned the President?" Since then, Yushchenko has had 24 operations to regain his health. In some ways it's admirable how much of a gangster Vladimir Putin is. When he found out that this new guy, Yushchenko, was going to take over next door Putin probably called him right away. I imagine the conversation went something like this:
Putin: Ahhh, Mr. Yushchenko. I'm glad you decided to call me.
Yushchenko: I didn't call you. You called me, and it's the middle of the night! Who are you? How did you get this number?
Putin: It's your oldest friend, Vladimir! I called to let you know we'll be increasing the price you pay for gas.
Yushchenko: ... Putin?! Ugh, what? Why are you telling me this no-
Putin: Price is going from 50 Euro to 230 Euro next year. It's just the cost of doing business, you understand, comrade?
Yushchenko: Th- That's outrageous! You still didn't explain why you called in the middle of the night. Th-That's an outrageous price increase, what the hell man? I'm going to fight this! Ukraine is strong!
Now to answer your question: Yes, in my imagination they were both speaking English with Russian accents. The point is that Putin wouldn't stand for a strong Ukraine. President Yushchenko was poisoned because he quoted Vladimir Putin's least favorite Seinfeld episode ... and because Putin is a gangster. [Ed. Note: This fact is unverified]
This New Year's gas-pimp-slap had a different twist than the others. It was more like a gas-pistol-whip because not only was the flow shut off to Ukraine, the flow was shut off through Ukraine. The history of this gas dispute involves arguments over just about everything that can be agrued about, including whether or not Ukraine was siphoning off gas. Which is the reason that the flow was shut off this year through Ukraine as well as to it.
Now to answer your next question: You probably shouldn't care too much about any of this, but I want to illustrate a fact that I've known for years. That fact is simple. Vladimir Putin is a gangster, and not the kind that you ever want to deal with. He's the scary kind. The Kaiser Soze (The Usual Suspects, 1994) "greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist" kind of gangster. Putin is an old school, feeding his enemies to 16 starving pigs like Brick Top (Snatch, 2000) only Putin has more sense, he's more sneaky than Brick Top, smarter too. Putin is the guy that went from being President of Russia one year to Prime Minister the next and no one had any "whaaaaaa ... ?" moments. His grandfather was Uncle Joe Stalin and Vladimir Lenin's personal cook (it's true! wikipedia says so!) and I'm sure that with such close ties to such democratic leaders, Granddad Putin was able to impart upon his young grandson the wonders of a world without totalitarian rule.
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