I've read in two different places that Dan Onorato, the Allegheny County Executive famous for the whole drink tax debacle, is going to run for Governor in 2010. I first heard of this nonsense earlier this morning, more an instance of "stumbling upon" the information while I was searching through to see where they'd hidden the crossword puzzle. Imagine my confusion when I saw that the front page of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette featured an article from the future! Granted, it only had a small portion of the front page (the vast majority being given to Steelers coverage) but I still laughed a little, if only because this little blurb served to remind me that schemers will always try and do what they do best: scheme. Onorato already has $4 Million dollars lined up for his campaign running up to an election that's almost TWO YEARS in the future. My question to Mr. Onorato is this: Where did you get all these paper stacks? You weren't using drink tax money to line your golden pockets, were you?
With the surplus from this past year's drink tax not being used for anything but the Port Authority, maybe Onorato thought to himself "Hey, if I ran for Governator, I could tax every drink in Pennsylvania!" The surplus from a state-wide drink tax could then be used for a new monorail, like they did in that one Simpsons episode. Now if that's the case, perhaps Onorato's Machiavellian scheming for drink taxes could actually benefit Pennsylvania. At least we could sing that catchy song, and we're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville anyhow.
It says in his wikipedia entry that Onorato was an Accounting major at Penn State and then he went on to get his law degree a couple years later at the University of Pittsburgh. During all those years of schooling I hope that Onorato went through a couple of history courses, but I guess he never heard about a little thing called the Whiskey Rebellion. In 1791 a drink tax was put into place with the hope that it would help pay for the debt accrued over the course of the Revolutionary War. By 1795, the first shots of the uprising were fired in South Park Township, Allegheny County, Pennsylvania. Onorato's probably never heard of this because he lives all the way in the Brighton Heights section of Pittsburgh, almost 15 miles away.
The Post-Gazette article I initially looked at (similar to this one, but I can't find the actual article online) covered the democratic candidates at a meet and greet with some farmers out in Harrisburg. Onorato reminded everyone there that he had not raised property taxes during his term in office when he was asked how the drink tax debacle was going ... That's right, he's an artful dodger. I would have to agree with his wariness to tackle this hot-button issue head-on, though. I remember boasting on more than one boring Friday afternoon in college that I planned on "getting drunk like a farmer" that weekend. I mean this as no slight against the farmers of the world, it's just that I hated the phrase "drunk like a sailor" and I really enjoy making up rumors. So if that rumor I made up is true, I would hate to explain to a bunch of sober farmers why they have to pay more for their medicine.
Unless he traveled by plane to Harrisburg that day, which he quite possibly did, Onorato would have driven past some signs pointing out the way to a little place called Johnstown. It just so happens that Johnstown is another reason alcohol is taxed here in Pennsylvania. In 1889, a Great Flood warshed over the land of Johnstown. The result was devastation and despair, but it took a couple more floods over the years plus another big one in 1936 for the state to pass the "Johnstown Flood Tax." It was supposed to be a "temporary" 10% tax on alcohol sales in order to help out the citizens of this flood prone region, but over the years it was never repealed and has in fact increased twice to it's current level of 18%, which is calculated into the price before the new drink tax is added on top.
All these taxes are enough to make me call "Shenanigans!!!" But it doesn't matter how vigorously I shout that out, the downtrodden drinker will forever be the brunt of senseless taxation. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that alcohol is starting to get the same treatment as cigarettes, but I know that it's been getting pushed around for a lot longer than cigarettes have. The saddest part about all of this is the poor teenagers, they're going to have this tax on all the alcohol they ever buy. They will never know the world of 50 cent drafts or penny pitchers. I think of my little brother when I think of these new taxes, I think of how he'll probably never be able to buy a pack of cigarettes for less than $5. He'll never know the glory that comes with purchasing a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon here in Pennsylvania that doesn't cost more than $10 and if that's not a crime, I don't know what is.
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