There are quite a few things in this world that I dislike. If you're reading this, chances are that you're pretty well versed in this general fact. My distaste for a lot of things is clear as crystal, and in this sense, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I kind of wish there were an organ that was metaphorically linked to hatred, because in actuality it would be this organ, as opposed to my heart, that was worn on my sleeve. Being a smoker, I get the occasional 'your lungs are black' joke or jibe. Maybe since my lungs are black they can be linked to hatred, so we can say that I wear my lungs on my sleeve. Does that make sense? Good.
Few things in this world garner enough of my energy to warrant the term 'hatred.' The fact of the matter is that I just don't care enough about what goes on to say that I 'hate' anything. Either that, or we should replace the aforementioned 'dislike' group and call it the 'hate' group, meaning I hate almost everything. If that were the case, I would be a lot like Jesus. Except the opposite. Where he loves stuff, I would hate it. Since I'm not so full of myself to compare myself to the Christ, I'm going to have to stick with dislike as the majority and hate the minority.
The last three words from the previous sentence are pretty funny when they stand alone.
We've finally reached the point of my argument for today. I'm here to discuss one thing that I absolutely loathe.
We live in a world where text messages and AIM conversations are commonplace. Email has replaced the 'quick call' for many businesses and our lives are in the hands of computers more everyday. I can't say that I like the idea of relying so heavily on machines, I saw A Space Odyssey and I remember the bleak future from The Terminator. My point, however, is that there is much more text being read now when communicating than ever before. Also, machines are evil. Remember The Matrix?
A simple question is 'wat r u up 2?'
This bastardization of the English language is almost unavoidable. I get emails, text messages and instant messages like this everyday. Loosely translated, the above means 'I'm an imbecile, if I could figure out how, I would strangle myself with my mouse cord and end the miserable excuse for a life I now lead.'
I hate that. Is it so difficult to add two extra letters to the word 'you' or 'are' or to type out 'to' instead of just hitting the number key? Why do I need a translator to read English? You're not Chaucer, you can write like a normal instead of a 13 year old girl. By the way, any 13 year old girls who type like this are retarded. I get it, you passed the third grade and figured out what a homophone is. Too, two, to. Perhaps we missed the boat on this one though, the trick to homophones is that they sound alike, but mean different things. They mean different things, as in not the same. Like that time when I went for a walk and caught butterflies. What I really meant was that I got all drunk and had sex with a coked out model. Or when I went and volunteered at the local homeless shelter, I really meant that I cruised around downtown and beat up homeless people.
I digress. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. The difference is that my mistakes are accidental, like the time I crashed my car into a tree. I didn't mean to fall asleep (or pass out, depending on who you talk to) and kiss that tree, it was an accident. These text mistakes aren't mistakes at all though, they're 'on purposes.' Someone purposefully leaves out the 'y' and the 'o' in the word 'you' and it is my contention that they do it purely to invoke my ire. So next time you think about being lazy and not typing out the entire 3 letters of a 3 letter word, think about the offer your mom made me the other night. She said she'd be up for anything for 50 cents and an apple. Anything. And I swear I'll film it.
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