I work two jobs. It's a really good time, kind of like the good time I'd imagine it would be if I went skydiving sans the parachute. It's the kind of fun you have when you find out that you have cancer and you have to get a ball cut off.
I have no idea why I'm working these nut-cuttingly fun pair of jobs. I have bills, yeah. I like to have a good time, and that requires some money, sure. With the loot I should be making from two jobs, which ought to be double the money I was making from my first job, I should be up to my nose in cheap hookers and dirty cocaine. Ahhha, do you get it? Up to my NOSE? It's funny because you're supposed to put cocaine in your... nevermind. It's probably not funny and someone will already have been offended by the cancer joke.
The problem is that I'm still basically broke. I still don't have any money and I'm not even hosting parties so big I need a warehouse and a personal drug dealer to cater the event. I still have bills that remain unpaid. I'm starting to think there's some sort of conspiracy to keep me perpetually poor. During the school year I figured I was broke because everyone else was broke, plus I didn't really have a job. Things would pick up during the summer and I could save some money so life wouldn't be so meager when I went back to school, I told myself. I guess I lied. I didn't know I was lying to myself at the time, though.
I think there truly is a conspiracy. I've been going to school for three years and 'the man' knows that he can squeeze another year out of me as long as I don't start making loads of money before I go back. That's the point of school, right? Making loads of money is what I want, I mean, I'm thinking about an extra 3 or 4 years of school so that I can make money. Stay with me now, here's the kicker. Most of my friends, myself included, have at least some loans for those years spent in school.
'The man' has all the motivation in the world to keep us in school. He's only going to make MORE money the longer we loan. How much would a magical fairy cost? Because that's how much 'the man' is spending to sneak into my house at night and steal money from me. Ok, ok, so maybe that's a bit far-fetched. But is it really out of the question for 'the man' to hire some midgets to do that kind of job? Now, now you're seeing the picture. 'The man' has hired an army of midgets to sneak into the homes of college students and steal their money to keep them downtrodden.
Does that sound too ridiculous? People think that the moon-landing was staged. People think that Martians landed out west and no one but crack pots and trailer-dwellers have been visited. People think that the government is listening in on all our conversations and that they give the HIV virus to poor people. Those last two are probably true, though, just like this midget-theft conspiracy is. Well I got news for you, I don't care, I'll kill a damned midget. If I catch one of those bastards trying to steal from me, I'll choke the little sonovabitch.
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